


The Silence of Dreams

by Draconly



Series: The Surrender Series [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Police, Blood and Violence, Don't Want To Give Spoilers, Drug Use, F/F, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Murder, Murder Mystery, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draconly/pseuds/Draconly
Summary: Agent Peridot Foster finds herself way over her head as she tries to stop a dangerous secret organization and save the woman she loves. But will she be able to save herself as well?
Relationships: Jasper/Pearl (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Series: The Surrender Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725487
Comments: 65
Kudos: 169





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://open.spotify.com/track/2kMAKtrAu16HVWxBnOwuhd?si=3zad_u5SRdKOdjIPNpqQyw

**3 Months Later**

The pain had faded slightly but the hole in Peridot’s heart was just as raw and as gaping as the moment she realized Lapis was gone. At first, she refused to believe it; her mind would not accept the reality of losing another lover.

Falling back into a bottle was second nature to her this time. The first bottle of whiskey was euphoric. The taste burned her tongue in an all too familiar pain. It was the only way she could cope.

When Jasper first ordered the therapy, Peridot was resistant. Her pride wouldn't allow her to admit she needed help- that and she felt she deserved to be in the pain she was experiencing. After all, she had been the one to lead Lapis to her fate. It took Jasper threatening her job to make Peridot go. Her job was all she had now.

Though she resisted, and she _did_ resist, Peridot eventually found the therapy helping. The nightmares only came once a week instead of every night. Alcohol had lost the pleasure it once contained. She found herself healing. Almost. 

It was enough to cope and deal with her everyday life; it was enough to begin surviving again. The pain, the hole in her heart, would never fully heal. Peridot was learning to accept that.

Peridot unlocked the door to her office, half expecting to see Lapis asleep in one of the chairs again. The stab at her heart, upon finding the room empty was bittersweet. A few months ago it would have broken her.

She flicked the lights on before slipping her suit coat off. When she turned to hang it on the hooks by the door, she did break a little. Hanging there was Lapis' blue jacket. With shaky hands, Peridot hung her coat up before grabbing the jacket. Almost in desperation, she pressed the fabric to her nose and inhaled as deeply as she could.

It took a few minutes to compose herself, but when she did Peridot slid the jacket on.

Once seated at her desk, she opened her messenger bag and pulled out a framed picture of her and Lapis, taken before she had her hair cut. The picture was placed next to the one of her and Anna.

"Back at work finally?"

Peridot looked at the door to her office to find a familiar willowy woman standing there. "Rogers?"

Pearl stepped inside. "I'm sorry to bother you on your first day back, but I need your expertise."

"Take a seat." Peridot was a bit confused by the sudden intrusion. "How long have you been waiting?"

"For you to show up?" Pearl sat in one of the chairs. "I've been in Jasper's office for an hour."

"I apologize? Had I known-"

"Oh no. Don't worry about it." Pearl offered the blonde agent a folder. "Tell me what you see."

Peridot took the folder and opened it. The picture it contained shocked her, but also sparked her curiosity. She would recognize those symbols anywhere. "Where is this?"

"Tokyo. Look at the next picture."

Peridot complied, flipping to the second picture in the folder. It was of a crowd behind a police barricade and she scanned every face, looking for any inkling as to why Pearl would bring this to her attention. It wasn't until near the back of the crowd did she realize. Her heart started pounding and her breakfast rose in her throat.

She would recognize those blue eyes anywhere.


	2. Book Cover and Warnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two "chapter" update!

This **AMAZING** cover was drawn by Cerussitel. Give them props because I'm absolutely in love with this:

<https://cerussitel.tumblr.com/post/623032564590034945/cover-for-the-next-installment-of-the-sweet>

\---WARNINGS---

This sequel is going to go darker and deeper. I don't want to say too much because spoilers. You have been warned though, so proceed with caution.

Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy.


	3. Storming in Quiet

** Chapter One: Storming in Quiet **

Agent Foster had walked past her superior’s office several times now. The paper in her hands seemed to weigh her hands down with every step. As the agent passed by the door, once again, the threshold was opened and a large hand pulled her inside.

“Gah! Jasper!”

“You were giving me a headache, Dot. Just get in already.” Jasper sat on the corner of her desk with an expectant expression.

“Sorry about that,” Peridot rubbed the back of her neck, glancing at the floor as she did so. “I’ve just… never done this before. I’m nervous.”

“Done what, Dot?”

“Um, quit?” Peridot held the piece of paper towards Jasper.

“Quit?” Jasper snatched the paper from the agent’s hands. “Letter of resignation, huh…” After a quick glance at the paper, she proceeded to rip it in half.

“Wh- Jasper! I spent _two hours_ writing that! You can’t just-”

“Dot, you’re not quitting- don’t interrupt me- and I know what’s going on. I’ve made some calls and Interpol will take you on a temporary basis.”

Peridot was stunned, shocked. This wasn’t the outcome she had expected from the conversation. Her mind swirled with a million questions though none of them seemed to come into consciousness. An amalgam of unfinished thoughts all fighting for her attention, but none of them ever staying long enough to be acknowledged fully. “Jasper-”

“I’m going to miss you, Dot, but this way you can keep your job after you bring her home.”

Peridot closed the gap between them and hugged her closest friend. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

Jasper smiled and returned the hug with zeal. “Come home with her, both of you safe and healthy, but also do everything you can to stop those diamond bitches.”

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  


It took too long, it took way too long, for the paperwork, the training, the ins and outs of Peridot’s temporary transfer to come to fruition. Three _useless_ weeks later, and she was finally arriving in Tokyo. Her back and legs were stiff from the long flight but her mind was on high alert - ready to work.

A tall and slender woman greeted the agent almost as soon as she stepped out of the gate. She strode forward, graceful and light on her feet, with an extended hand,

“Agent Foster?”

“Yes.” Peridot took the woman’s hand and shook it. She quickly gave her a one-over, absorbing as much information as she could, _‘Well-groomed, immaculately so, not a hair out of place. No wrinkles in her shirt either. Shoes are well worn but show signs of repair. No indication of a weapon is visible but I would be surprised if she wasn’t carrying one.’_

“You must be Jade,” Peridot continued. “I was told you would be assisting me.”

“Correct. Please follow me,” Jade started walking as soon as her hand was released. 

Peridot struggled to keep up, the combination of her tired leg and prosthesis making the quick pace difficult to follow. Still, her mind wandered back to analyzing the woman in front of her, _‘Doesn’t look entirely Japanese. Perhaps some American or European blood in there. She walks with purpose, all business. Ah, there. Stepping a tad more carefully with her right leg; must have some sort of weapon on her.’_

Despite the crowds of people, their path never seemed to be blocked; they made quick time exiting the airport. The moment she stepped outside, all of Peridot’s exhaustion left her. The realization that Lapis was here, Lapis was _alive_ , hit her brain like a tidal wave. A renewal of energy and determination hit her next and her steps instantly became lighter.

Jade stopped abruptly and produced a cellphone from her pocket. “Jade.”

Peridot listened to one side of the phone conversation, picking up a few words here and there, annoyed with herself that she hadn’t spent more time studying Japanese on the airplane.

“Agent Foster, would you be alright going straight to a crime scene? There’s just been another murder.”

“Yes. That will be fine.” Peridot perked up at the information. 

As abruptly as she stopped walking, Jade started walking again. “You will not be too tired from the flight?”

“You’ll come to find, Jade, that I work best when I’m tired.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  


The night had cooled significantly and a light rain had begun by the time they arrived at the apartment. Peridot had initially tried to converse with the stoic woman in the driver’s seat but opted to bury herself in her logbook when she was met with curt answers.

The metallic pungency of fresh blood hit Peridot’s nose before she even stepped into the apartment. As per the cultural norm, the space was small and cramped with hardly any room to walk. The blonde followed Jade inside, careful to step within the designated path already laid down. A crew of crime scene investigators was making their sweep of the rest of the apartment; the body of the victim already investigated and photographed. 

The air of the apartment hung heavy and thick. Underneath the smell of blood, nicotine permeated from every corner and seemed to be seeping from the walls. A stack of takeout containers sat in one corner, long forgotten by their now passed owner; if they ever had a smell, it was now buried far beneath the others.

Peridot’s eyes never lingered in one place for more than a few moments. She swept every inch of the apartment she could readily see as she followed Jade inside. 

_‘Typical signs of criminal activity. This seems like a gang-related killing, why was I called here?’_

“I hope you have a strong stomach, agent.” 

Peridot was suddenly pulled from her thoughts by the voice coming from in front of her, “After everything I’ve seen, I definitely do.”

“Good.” Jade pulled on the screen partition that separated the small living space.

It took Peridot a moment to comprehend what she was seeing. Her head twitched to the side as she observed what lay in front of her. “The body was returned to the original position after investigation?”

“Yes. We were informed to leave things exactly as we found them for you.”

Peridot stepped closer to the body laying on the floor in front of her. _‘Single cut across the abdomen, across the lumbar regions… Slight upward increase towards the right side… Had to originate on the left side… This did not kill the victim, the left jugular vein and carotid artery have been severed as well… Most likely cause of death...’_

She turned to look at Jade, who had not moved from her spot by the screen. “Seppuku.”

Jade nodded, her expression unchanging. “My original thoughts, yes. But the victim is left-handed.”

“That would make the direction of the cut nearly impossible when you factor in the pain and the psychological implications of inflicting harm on yourself. Seppuku was traditionally carried out by samurai for one of several reasons,” Peridot paused a beat to think, “Do you think the Yakuza is involved?”

“That is the most likely explanation here. The victim does have a back tattoo of the Sumiyoshi-kai family’s symbol.”

“I would like a photo of that as soon as possible.” Peridot ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath before looking at the wall above the victim, at the symbols written in blood she had immediately recognized. After a moment of staring, she copied them down in her notebook.

“Are you able to read them?”

“Yes,” Peridot’s voice faltered.

“What do they say?”

“‘I know you’re coming for me, so I’ll warn you now to stay away. I won’t hesitate to return all of the pain you caused me.’” Peridot screwed her eyes shut, the ache in her heart threatening to force tears. _‘Lapis…’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya peeps!  
> How are ya'll? Did you miss me? I missed you.  
> I hope you enjoy this. As of right now, I can't quite put an update schedule into place, life is still crazy and hectic for me. I won't leave you guys hanging though- that I promise.  
> Thank you to the amazing Trystine for proofreading. <3  
> Stay safe out there.  
> -Draconly


	4. Fear is a Chemical

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185443884@N02/50088072508/in/dateposted-public/)

**Chapter Two: Fear is a Chemical**

The night was ticking away, as evident by the digital alarm clock resting on the desk in the hotel room. The minutes changed from four to five, but the inhabitant of the room had stopped caring hours ago. The lull of sleep had eluded her for long enough that she had given up on striving to feel its draw. Instead, she had relented to sitting on the edge of the bed and staring out of the large windows across from her.

She should work. She knew she could use this time efficiently -- yet -- she hadn’t. For the first time in her life, Agent Peridot Foster found herself unable to control the flow of her thoughts. 

The speed at which her thoughts were running, bouncing from topic to topic with no direction, did frighten her a little. One moment she was thinking about the case, the next she was thinking about Lapis, and after that she was thinking about her first kidnapping case as a rookie. On and on, directionless chaos of thoughts.

Whatever it was, it was exhausting, and she wasn’t sure if this new phenomenon was alarming, or in a sense, relieving.

Peridot closed her eyes for a brief moment, inhaling deeply as she did. Her alarm would go off in a few minutes, anyway. She might as well get up. After snapping her prosthetic into place, she stood and made her way to her desk. Papers littered the surface; research scrawled with notes, pictures of crime scenes she had been studying, her notebook open with an unfinished thought, only partially written.

On top of the mess lay a single piece of paper. Worn from being folded and unfolded repeatedly. The agent typically kept the paper in her wallet, just behind her FBI badge.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185443884@N02/50323949756/in/dateposted-public/)

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Interpol headquarters were bright, organized, and impeccable. Peridot almost missed the dark tones of her office, the cluttered chaos of small-town police stations, the collection of coffee cups on Lapis’ desk- She had to stop the thought right there. She couldn’t afford to get lost in those thoughts right now.

Learning the footfalls of her temporary partner had been easy enough. The steps were distinct, light but still placed with purpose. ‘Like a lion stalking their prey’ was the closest comparison Peridot could make.

If Jade was a lion, then the footsteps that followed close behind her were from a clumsy puppy. Loud, scattered, and had a bit of a drag. _‘Almost the complete opposite of Jade’s. This person is excited, most likely clumsy and young. Possibilities of as to why they’re following Jade; intern, partner-’_

“Agent Foster?” Jade’s indifferent voice pulled Peridot from her thoughts.

“Just Peridot is fine.” Peridot pulled her eyes from the small lapis lazuli gem she kept in her pocket and looked up. Her eyes immediately went to the new figure standing behind the familiar stone face of Jade.

Tall, olive skin, with dark brown hair and eyes. He wore a lopsided grin and his eyes were bright with enthusiasm. _‘Slightly curly hair, messy facial hair, dark circles under eyes. Shirt nicely tucked in, sleeves rolled up- professional but not drawing attention to himself. Too happy and bright, must be new.’_

“Agent Foster,” Jade continued, “This is Aven, my partner.”

Aven thrust his hand forward with a large grin. “Peridot Foster! Huge fan of your work. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I can’t wait to work with you on this case and learn from you.”

Peridot took his hand and shook it, a little taken aback by the enthusiasm in his voice. “Aven, um, pleasure to meet you too. I hope I don’t disappoint.”

“Oh, I highly doubt you will! I’ve been reading up on all of your cases and-”

“Aven.” Jade’s voice took a slightly stern turn.

“Oh! Was I doing it again? I’m sorry. Nice to meet you.”

Peridot smiled, the enthusiasm reminding her of when she first met Lapis. “It’s alright, Aven. It’s nice to see someone so passionate about their work.”

“Passionate is one word for it,” Jade muttered under her breath as she started walking. Peridot and Aven were quick to follow. “Were you able to do more research, Agent Foster?”

“Yes. I did as much research as I could into the different yakuza families and I am on board with that theory. It doesn’t seem too abstract to me that Yellow Diamond would be in charge, especially given that her last known location was in fact Tokyo. However, there wasn’t much research I could do from using the hotel wifi and I didn’t want to risk using a VPN or hacking into a network. I got in a lot of trouble for that last time,” Peridot mumbled the last sentence to herself.

“That’s no problem,” Aven clapped his hand on her back. “We’ll get you connected to the wifi here and you’ll have access to all of the records. Of course, you can always ask me. It’s kinda my thing.”

“Oh? Good to know. I think you’d like Agent Fryeman.”

“Ronaldo? I love that guy!”

“In here,” Jade interrupted in a curt manner as she opened a door.

After a gesture from Aven, Peridot stepped in first. The agent knew a conference room when she saw one. She sighed internally, tired of sitting around and discussing things when Lapis was out there, somewhere. 

“Have a seat.” Jade walked to the head of the table, the end with the tv mounted to the wall. She paused then, waiting for the two to sit. “Agent Foster, can you please tell me everything you know about your former partner, Kawai Lazuli?”

“Yes, of course.” Peridot sat up a little more straight. “Kawai Lazuli, preferred name Lapis, is a 22-year-old Hawaiian native. Five feet six inches tall, or one hundred and sixty-eight centimeters. Weight fluctuated in the few months we spent together. Eye color is a deep blue,” her voice faded and her eyes glazed over with thought, “the prettiest shade of blue I have ever seen. Like the deep ocean on a stormy day…”

“Aw! So cute!” Aven grinned at the blonde from across the table.

Peridot blinked a few times before a heat rose on her cheeks. “I apologize,” seeing Jade open her mouth out of the corner of her eye, she quickly continued, “Hair is naturally black, but she had it dyed blue most of the time we were together.”

“Did she have any combat training? Any military experience?”

“Aside from the training at the police academy, no. Why?” Peridot looked at Jade, trying not to let her protective nature overpower her logic. 

“We have reason to suspect Agent Lazuli is involved in the killings, if not committing them.”

“I… see…” Peridot bit back the anger, tried to drown it out with logic and reasoning.

“I am in no way accusing her, Age-”

“No! No. It’s okay. I understand your reasoning, you’re in the right to suspect that. I would like to remind you both that she is granted immunity from her actions by the United States and is wanted _alive_.” 

“Hey, yeah! Not a problem, Agent P! We read up the case, no worries. We’ll get your girlfriend back to you.”

Peridot visibly flinched at the word _girlfriend_. Her temper rose in response, and perhaps some of the walls around her heart started to rebuild. “She was never officially my girlfriend and nothing happened between us anyway. Can we focus on the case?”

“I would appreciate that as well, Aven.”

“Stuck with two Jades, great,” Aven mumbled sourly as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Please excuse Aven. He is akin to an excited puppy and has about the same self control as one. Regardless, he is an excellent agent.” Jade opened her laptop and quickly connected it to the tv screen in the conference room. “We’ll start with the three biggest and most prominent yakuza clans. The Inagawa-kai is the smallest clan, however, they still have almost four thousand members. They operate mostly in gambling, both the legal and illegal kind.”

“Not them.” Peridot spoke as she jotted down a few notes.

“I would agree with that.” Jade opened a new file on her laptop. “Sumiyoshi-kai is the second largest with four thousand five hundred members. They operate a lot of upscale stores selling blackmarket and knock-off goods. They also hire out their members as mercenaries.”

“They seem like a possibility, but it doesn’t quite fit.” Peridot stuck the end of her pen in her mouth.

“Well, the last clan is the largest and most active.” Jade opened a new file. “The Yamaguchi-gumi clan. They are some of the wealthiest gangsters in the world. They deal mainly in drug and illegal arms trafficking, but nothing is below them. They boast almost nine thousand members.”

“This sounds like the clan we’re looking for. According to the CIA, Yellow Diamond deals in illegal arms dealings, and Blue Diamond dealt or still deals in illegal drug trafficking and production.” Peridot looked up from her notebook at the screen. She stared for a minute, unsure if her eyes were seeing the image correctly. “What is that?” She used her pen to point at the screen.

“Oh! That’s Yamabishi, the daimon of the Yamaguchi-gumi clan.” Aven pipped in. “It’s kinda like their symbol. Marks their territory, their property, all of that.”

“Jade,” Peridot stood and stepped closer to the screen. “Can you rotate the image ninety degrees in any direction?”

“Of course.”

Peridot could barely contain the excitement on her face and in her voice. “A diamond. I’m coming, Lapis, one step closer.”

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185443884@N02/50324127627/in/dateposted-public/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C9H9NO3  
> 179.175 g·mol−1  
> 3.264 g/cm3  
> 115–120 °C (239–248 °F; 388–393 K)


	5. Sleep Eludes the Absent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Non-con drug use, disturbing content, dark imagery, and psychological horror elements.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you.

**Chapter 3: Sleep Eludes the Absent**

The icy sting of the needle burned as it bore into her skin. A pain she was becoming familiar with as time slipped past her. She tried to resist, tried to move out of the way, but the hands holding her arm in place were stronger than her exhausted body. The plunger of the syringe was then pushed down, filling her veins with a searing heat.

“Please, no…” A feeble cry escaped her chapped lips, barely audible, even to her ears.

“You’ll feel better afterward,” the shrill voice stung her ears, “you always do.”

Colors started to blur around her as the chemicals reached her brain, twisting and writhing in an erotic dance. This- this was how it always started. The colors violated her vision, but she was physically unable to close her eyes. Her body betrayed her, denied her commands, and forced her to stare as the colors blended into nothing.

The voices followed soon after the colors faded. Violent and angry, they yelled and screamed her worst nightmares to her. The voices told her lies, told her truths, told her things her damaged mind could no longer ignore, things her damaged mind could no longer discern the truth from.

The chair was stiff beneath her, causing her legs to quickly grow numb from the pressure. But she had learned long ago that it didn’t matter either way; her body would betray her in the end and she could never run. Trapped in the hell her mind created, trapped in a purgatory spawned from the darkness hidden in the deep crevices of her mind, she finally gave up what minuscule control she had left.

Hours, years, decades…

She could never tell.

The voices rose in pitch until they blended into a high-pitched ringing. Deafening, painful, but no sensation could outweigh the fear of what  always came next.

_ Her. _

Rotting and hideous, the blonde haunted her. She stayed confined in the chair and was forced to watch the shadows merge into the one thing she had grown to fear more than anything else.

_ Her. _

The sickening grin filled with pointed teeth made her stomach lurch.  _ But she couldn’t move. _ She couldn’t escape as a decayed foot manifested and took a step. The sound was wet and hollow and it was followed by another step and then another.

_ Her. _

The blonde demon inched closer, causing her heartbeat to rise and her breathing to become erratic. 

Closer.

_ Closer. _

Close enough that the putrid and cold breath scraped across her cheek.

“Please...” the woman managed only a pitiful whimper.

“Pathetic,” a growling voice sent shivers down her spine.

Her flight instincts were screaming at her to run, screaming that if she wanted to live, she needed to flee. Her legs twitched as if attempting to respond to the commands of her panicked brain. Adrenaline flooded her veins, made her heart beat even faster. Pounding, pounding in her aching chest. Her vision blurred, but one last word wormed its way into her ear;

“Pathetic.”


	6. ...---...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...---...  
> S O S

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185443884@N02/50088072508/in/dateposted-public/)

**Chapter Four: ...---...**

The ambiance of the conference room had gone still, quiet, as the three agents became lost in their work. The rhythmic ticking of the clock was the only signal of time passing in Agent Foster’s mind. Admittedly, her research had strayed from the dynamics of the Japanese mafia to reversing brainwashing. With her education and experience picking an individual's mind apart, she saw the task as something fairly easy to accomplish.

“Boo.”

Peridot was so engrossed in her research that the voice in her ear threw her completely off of her guard. In one fluid motion, she shoved her laptop aside, drew her revolver, and spun around in her chair. Her surprise turned to anger when she recognized the face grinning at her,

"Rodriguez! I almost shot you!"

Amethyst burst into snort-filled laughter, "Your face! Priceless!"

"Please do not shoot my partner, I've grown quite fond of her." Pearl stepped into the conference room, a warm smile gracing her lips and Jade right behind her.

"Rogers? What are- Oh, wait. CIA, still technically your case." Peridot holstered her revolver before returning to her seat. Noticing a silent agent across from her, she shot the man a glare. "You could've said something."

"She threatened me." Aven threw his hands up in defense.

"Not surprised there," Peridot mumbled more to herself than anyone else. She squeezed her eyes shut as she pinched the bridge of her nose. Somehow, someway, she would get Amethyst back.

Pearl took a seat next to the perpetually exhausted blonde, taking quick note of what was on her laptop screen. "This is still our mission, so we're here to help."

"Help, work, same thing." Amethyst took the seat on the other side of Peridot. "Point is, we're here."

"And we are glad to have you," Jade had stayed near the door, "there have been two more murders possibly linked to the case."

"If it's alright with you, I'd like to team up with Agent Foster and take one of the locations." Pearl cocked her head towards Jade. "Agent Rodriguez can go with you and Aven."

Jade studied Pearl's expression for a moment before nodding in agreement.

"What?" Amethyst's voice pitched in surprise. "We're supposed to stick together!"

"I know, but I'm breaking protocol here. Just this once." Pearl offered her partner a comforting smile.

"Wow," Peridot deadpanned, "Rogers is breaking a rule."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Agents Rogers and Foster had barely driven a block from the headquarters before Pearl could no longer contain her question.

“How are you?” The words fell from her mouth in a nervous and ungraceful heap.

Peridot side-eyed her from her seat. “You have a stroke or something?”

“Sorry, my voice decided to fail me. How are you, Rogers? Jasper asked me to check on you and, well, I’m worried about you too. I haven’t been able to get the image of the color draining from your face when I showed you that picture,” Pearl’s voice dropped in tone as the image filled her mind once again.

“First of all, since when have you been calling Jasper by her first name?” Peridot fully faced the other woman, turning her head and torso to do so.

“I, um, well,” A light pink colored Pearl’s cheeks. “We’ve been communicating about your well-being and it just happened.”

Peridot was almost disappointed in the terrible lie laid out before her. _‘That was the most textbook lie I have ever seen. I don’t have the energy right now to deal with it. Besides, I know Rogers would hide something from me for a good reason. I’ll pester her- and Jasp- about it later.’_

“You’re doing the thing you always do when you’re thinking- scrunching your eyebrows together and looking into the distance.”

“Apologies.” Peridot turned to look out the car window once again. “It’s no matter. And, um, to answer your inquiry,” she paused a moment, “I’m not sure how I’m doing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I try not to think about it too much. If I stop to think, then I’ll realize how badly I’m hurting. If I realize how badly I’m hurting, it’ll be hard to work. If it’s hard to work, it’ll take longer to find Lapis. So, I don’t think about it.”

“That’s not exactly healthy. Foster.”

“I know, trust me, I know. But I can’t stop. If I stop working for just a moment I’m afraid I won’t be able to start again or I’ll turn to a bottle again. I can’t let either of those happen.”

“You’ll have to deal with those emotions and thoughts eventually, Peridot. Letting them fester and spoil will only make things more difficult for you-”

“I know!” Peridot closed her eyes. “I know. But what choice do I have? You know what this job does to people, how it chews them up and spits them out broken and barely alive. I _can’t_ let that happen to me right now. Lapis is counting on me to get her out of whatever hell they have her trapped in! If I let myself stop and _feel_ for even a moment, I’m going to break! Lapis needs me, Pearl!”

The blonde felt the tears forming in her eyes before she felt them run down her cheeks. She took in a strained breath before continuing in a softer voice,

“Lapis needs me, Pearl.”

Pearl reached across the seats and put a hand on the younger’s shoulder. “She needs you to be complete, healthy, and sane.”

“This is the best I can do right now.”

“We’re all here for you, Peridot. Jasper, me, Amethyst, are all here for you. You don’t have to fight this war alone.”

“I work best when I’m alone.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Down a tight alley and up and steep set of stairs, above an inconspicuous soba shop, was the scene of the murder. The smell, something Peridot had grown indifferent to, greeted her like an old friend. After so many crime scenes and so much death, nothing really phased the steeled agent anymore. She stepped into the small living space with hardly an expression. Reaching into her vest pocket for her notebook and pen were muscle memory to her now; an action she had repeated hundreds, if not thousands, of times.

The agent closed her eyes for a moment to center her mind and block any distractions and when she opened them- she was ready.

_‘Bookshelf knocked over, broken teapot, hole in the wall about the size of a fist- the victim struggled. Either they knew the attack was coming or they weren’t caught off guard.’_

She turned.

_‘No signs of forced entry- they knew their attacker, welcomed them in before they were attacked. Judging by the broken teapot, they might have regarded them as a friend even. Perhaps a disagreement led to the attack. I don’t see how this is related to our case yet.’_

Peridot looked at Pearl. The tall woman was looking through the contents of the bookshelf strewn across the floor. “Rogers?”

“Hm?” Pearl picked up a manga and started flipping through the pages.

“I don’t see a connection.”

“Well, this is only one room.” Pearl stopped on a page and raised an eyebrow at it. “We still have the bedroom and the bathroom. That, and, the drug stash has already been removed from the scene by the authorities.” She closed the book with a confused expression.

“There’s our connection.” Peridot pinched the bridge of her nose. “But even that’s thin.”

“Jade did say the connection was possible, not concrete.” Pearl stood up straight. “If you’re not finding much here, perhaps the bedroom?”

“I guess, yeah,” Peridot headed towards the door. “I just don’t want to be wasting time.”

“I understand.” Pearl was using her ‘patient mom voice.’ Peridot hated that.

The blonde was about to mention how much she despised when Pearl treated her like a child when the sight through the door she had just opened completely froze her in her tracks. She felt her knees go weak and her notebook dropped to the floor, now completely forgotten.

_‘Sunflower.’_

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185443884@N02/50556882553/in/dateposted-public/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a minute! My life got kinda crazy for a second there. Everything is good and calming down now, so I'm hoping to post more regularly. I hope you all don't mind, but in order to do so, my chapter lengths may vary. I don't want to force myself to get a higher word count and sacrifice updating for you all. I hope that's okay. Anyway! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and I can't want to show you what's next! And of course, big thank you to Trystine for looking this over. I owe them many cookies.
> 
> -Draconly
> 
> And thank you to Ceru for the amazing art here!!  
> https://cerussitel.tumblr.com/post/633644816678486016/something-done-for-draconlys-silence-of-dreams-i


	7. Burning(s)

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185443884@N02/50088072508/in/dateposted-public/)

**Chapter Five: Burning(s)**

The world faded around her as her head filled with static, a high-pitched ringing soon following. The sunflower “painted” on the wall became her only point of focus. The agent became so fixated that she froze in place, the color draining from her face only adding to the statue-like image.

Peridot’s mind worked in overdrive, analyzing and committing to memory every last detail of the “painting.” The way the trails from skilled fingers created the petals, to the precise way depth was achieved in the center of the flower. 

As the blonde stood transfixed in her spot, she didn’t notice Pearl step into the room and gasp softly.

“That’s… that’s a sunflower…” Pearl looked at the agent and immediately became concerned, “Foster?”

No response.

“Agent Foster?”

Still nothing.

“Peridot?” Pearl placed a hand carefully on her shoulder.

Peridot snapped into reality with a sharp breath that almost sounded painful. She rubbed her eyes as if she was trying to scrub the image from them.

“Peridot? Are you okay?” Pearl asked delicately.

She gave a small nod, paused briefly, then drew in another breath. She lifted her head. “I’m okay, Rogers.”

The tall woman didn’t believe that for a second, but knew better than to press right now. She returned her gaze to the wall. “So.”

“A sunflower. Lapis.” Peridot gingerly stepped closer, her mind screaming at her to stop.

“What do you make of it?” Pearl watched her companion.

“It could be a cry for help.” Peridot traced the outline of a petal in the air, her finger only inches from the wall. “It could be a warning. It could be that she remembers who she is. It could be her subconscious shining through. I don’t know.”

“You knew Lapis better than the rest of us, you must-”

“I knew the old Lapis!” Peridot spat, turning on her heel to stare up at Pearl, “I knew Lapis before I dragged her into this! Before my in-in-incompetence caused her life to basically end! I don’t know Lapis anymore,” she ended with a hiss.

Pearl’s eyes narrowed as she looked down at the raging blonde, “Are you fit enough to work on this case, agent? Is your conflict of interest too personal?”

“Don’t. Even.” Peridot practically growled out through gritted teeth.

“Then act like you can function here before I report your behavior to your superiors, agent.”

Seething, Peridot spun back around to do her job; not before mentally telling Rogers off, though.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fruitless felt like an understatement to both agents as they left the apartment. They found more ties to the yakuza inside the apartment, but their job wasn’t to deal with them.

_ ‘Hardly any evidence pointing to our cult and Lapis,’  _ Peridot practically had steam coming out of her ears at this point.  _ ‘Any evidence we do find is sent off. We barely get scraps… How are we supposed to formulate a case? How am I supposed to find and help Lapis?’ _

Peridot froze. The sensation of being watched spread throughout her body like a cold wind blowing through her. She started casting her gaze around her surroundings, looking past the police cars and into the small crowd that had gathered. It only took a moment of searching to find the person staring. What Peridot had never expected to see nearly stole the breath from her lungs.

She knew those eyes.

“Lapis,” the name fell from her lips as a breathy whisper. Before really realizing what she was doing, Peridot started walking towards the crowd, towards a glaring Lapis. 

When Lapis turned and ran, Peridot’s feet acted on their own accord and she ran after the woman. Only when her brain caught up to her feet did the agent realize there was no way she could keep pace with her prosthetic.

But she had to try.

Gritting her teeth against the intense pain already burning in her stump, Peridot pushed her way through the crowd and gave chase. She managed to follow as Lapis ran down the main street and shot down smaller side streets. She was falling behind, though, and her lungs were screaming for her to stop.

“Lapis!” was all Peridot could muster as she watched Lapis slip down a street too far ahead of her. By the time the agent made it, Lapis would be gone. Still, she didn’t stop until she made it to the street.

Peridot stopped, gasping for air and drinking in her surroundings. The street was narrow, dimly lit, and smelled like rotting fish. She took a hesitant step, a feeling of dread and fear washing over her. Some movement up ahead caused her to instinctively draw her revolver. The air was still, thick, and her heartbeat pounded in her ears.

A bit ahead of her, Lapis stepped out of the shadows. She was tossing something into the air and catching it, a small object the agent couldn’t quite make out.

“L-Lapis?” Peridot slowly moved to put her revolver away, “It’s okay. You’re safe now. It’s me, Peridot.” She held her hands out in an attempt to placate the situation. 

“I know.”

Peridot saw Lapis move before her world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Our love douses us in flames. It's terrible and deep and wingless, but I'll burn here if you burn here too.”


	8. Traitorous Actions

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185443884@N02/50088072508/in/dateposted-public/)

**Chapter Six: Traitorous Actions**

Peridot woke with a sharp and intense pain in her amputated leg. The phantom pains had been getting worse since coming to Tokyo, but this was the most intense pain she had felt since the initial loss of the limb; White spots filled her vision and her stomach lurched against the pain, threatening to expel what little dinner she’d had. 

It felt like hours had passed before she could breathe normally again and her vision cleared.

_‘Three forty-six in the morning. Hell…’_

Her mind was still in a pain-induced fog as Peridot slowly sat up in bed. Deciding a trip to the bathroom wouldn’t be worth the effort, she ignored the prosthesis propped against the nightstand. Hopping to the bathroom was a task she had grown accustomed to, even if she felt undignified by it.

The intrusion of the lights switching on was enough to make the blonde wince in pain. Her eyes adjusted quickly enough and she moved to stand in front of the mirror. 

The bags under Peridot’s eyes had become almost black now; she almost wished she knew enough about makeup to cover them up. Tentatively, she reached a hand up to move the hair from her forehead. 

The stitches had been removed the day before and the bruising had faded to a brownish-yellow. It was still sore to touch. The actual cut was still red, a bit of dried blood here and there, but was healing nicely. 

Peridot noticed that the cut was roughly in the shape of an inverted triangle and placed almost in the center of her forehead.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185443884@N02/50901677718/in/dateposted-public/)

Lapis had good aim.

  
  


_“What happened?” Peridot’s head felt like there was an elephant sitting on it. The pain and pressure were excruciating, and thinking was nearly impossible._

_“You ran off, I had to follow you,” she knew that voice, “you’re surprisingly fast might I add, and I found you in an alleyway. I found a rock next to your unconscious body.”_

_Alleyway? Unconscious? Rock?_

_Peridot licked her lips, immediately tasting the metallic tang of blood._

_“Care to explain yourself?”_

_Peridot forced her eyes open. She looked around the ambulance before settling her gaze on the other woman. The blonde could only stare as her memories returned to her,_

_“I saw Lapis.” She spoke slowly and carefully. “She was there, watching us. I ran after her? Yeah. That’s right. I ran after her. I found her, told her that it was me, and she just said, “I know.” then I woke up here.”_

  
  


Peridot poked at the injury, instantly hissing and letting her hand fall. “Peridot you absolute clod.”

She looked at herself in the mirror with an intense gaze, judging herself and every action she had taken that led her to this point in her life.

“I’m a failure...”

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  


A loud crack split the still air.

Lapis fell onto her rear and put a hand over her stinging cheek. She looked up at her aggressor, fear seeping into her very bones.

“Why did you go back!?”

“I-I-I had to see her! See if she r-really is the monster…” Lapis could barely speak, her fight or flight instincts were burning through her veins, telling her that it was time to flee. She added again in a smaller voice, “I h-had to see…”

“And what if you got captured!? What would that do to our family!?”

“I’m sorry,” Lapis curled into a ball.

“Oh. You _will_ be.”

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peridot was already sick of the staring. By the time the agent made it to the conference room, she was ready to snap at the next person who gave her so much as a pitiful glance. She pulled the door open and stepped inside making a beeline for the tea in the room.

It wasn’t until the blonde sat that she realized she was alone in the room. A glance at the clock told her that she was forty-five minutes early. When had her life slipped so far from her control? Peridot inhaled deeply before sipping her tea.

The warm liquid brought some comfort and familiarity, calming the woman slightly. Tea, and whiskey admittedly, were some of the few things she truly enjoyed and loved in life. Whiskey had been taken from her. Lapis had been taken from her. Tea was the only thing Peridot had any more that made her feel calm, help still her mind.

A familiar ringtone broke that calm, forcing the agent’s eyes to snap open. She grabbed her phone and answered the call,

“Hey, Jasp. Kinda early for you, isn’t it?”

“I couldn’t sleep, Dot. I knew you’d be awake and I wanted- no, I needed to check on you. Are you free to talk?”

“Yeah. I’m just in the conference room alone; early by my standards even.” Peridot let her eyes close again, Jasper’s raspy voice another comfort she had been missing.

“So, how are you?” Jasper asked the question carefully.

Peridot thought a moment before responding, “Empty.”

“Yeah? Talk to me, Dot, please.”

“It feels like there’s a tear in my heart, like a part of me is missing, and I just can’t fix it. I’ve tried and I’ve tried,” Peridot squeezed her eyes shut when she felt moisture forming there. “Everything I love gets taken away from me.”

“Oh, sis… I’m so sorry… But she’s alive, right? You know the brain better than anyone. Whatever they did to her can be fixed, right? There’s still hope, I know there is.”

“If there is, I can’t let myself feel it. I can’t be hurt like that again.”

A moment of silence passed between the two before Jasper spoke again. “I’m worried about you.”

“I know.”

“So, I’m coming. I’ve made up my mind.”

Peridot’s eyes popped open. “Jasper!”

“Can’t stop me!” Jasper’s voice was distant, she had set her phone down. She grunted softly before Peridot heard something heavy land on a bed.

“I’m not trying to stop you!” Peridot pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jasp, I-”

“Dot?”

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a minute guys! I was busy being ✨ gay ✨ with my editor/proofreader. I haven't forgotten about this story and I especially haven't forgotten about my readers. You guys are awesome and I appreciate all of you. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you next time!
> 
> Art for this chapter done by the amazing Cerussite. Serisously. They're so epic! Give them some love:
> 
> https://cerussitel.tumblr.com/post/642054503503380480/more-art-for-draconlys-lapidot-human-au-fic-the


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